It seems to me that as a 21st century follower who is seeking to be "in yoke" with Christ, one of the basic principles of living, moving and having my being in Christ that is hardest to grasp and live with daily is the concept/doctrine of grace.
For me it is easier to conceive traditional Puritan influenced legalism and command-control living. That traditional fundamentalist stance appeals to the chief feature in my personality, that of the lie/or/deception. I can deceive myself and others easily if the ethos of the community is built around a list of "don'ts". If I succeed in "not doing" what is considered "not Christian", at least to where no one knows about it, then I have succeeded in becoming a glossed over "good church boy." This is the essence of pharasaism, or contemporary hypocrisy. This is the sad truth about traditional hypocritical baptist life that turned me away from any outward faith-life as a younger person, from my teenage to my mid 20's.
This ethos encourages my own bent towards sneakiness, and living a lie. For years, even after I had come back to Christ, and once again sought him as Lord, I continued to live in a deceptive, compartmentalized way. I thought I could decieve him, when in fact I was deceiving myself.
At least this has been my experience.
It was not until I really suffered a precipitous fall from grace--when I lost my status, my career, my ego shroud of importance and security--that of Mr. hot shot
Banker in town...that I begin to see what the Lord wanted to teach me about his grace.Grace, freedom...'God's risk taking' by giving me my own free will, my own ability to choose my own path. This learning for me has been profound.
At the same time, however, for me this process has been and is fraught with much difficulty.
I must admit, I am beginning to learn through this experiment with grace and freedom.
It has increased my true sense of awe.
This awe of God is expressed by our Islamic brethren's concept of "taqwa".
A modern islamic scholar defines taqwa through this short parable:
A Sufi once asked his teacher or Sheikh the definition of taqwa. In reply, the sheikh asked, “Have you ever had to traverse a thorny path?” the sufi replied in the affirmative and he continued, “How do you do so?”
He said that he would carefully walk through after first having collected all loose and flowing clothing in his hands so nothing gets caught in the thorns hence injuring him. Then the shiekh replied, “This is the definition of taqwa, to protect oneself from sin through life’s dangerous journey so that one can successfully complete the journey unscathed by sin.”
This taqwa, or the true concept of the 'fear' or 'awe' that I have of the Lord does not come naturally to me. I am unable to maintain the proper balance and respect, or fear of the Lord because I generally am not competent with the amount of freedom God gives me.
This situation really increases my need for the indwelling Holy Spirit. The necessity for my own character to reflect that of taking responsbility, of becoming a "little Christ" myself, is daunting, in fact--impossible on my own strength. This is where transformation begins to occur, when as saved individuals, we begin to understand what "working out your own salvation" means. I must live from the inner self, the essence, where the Kingdom of God dwells within me.
It nixes my own clinging to the myths of worldly life--the myths that I possess any power and control, security and survival, or esteem and affection. I have the freedom to simply let go of these illusions, these emotional programs for happiness, and become utterly dependent on my Creator and Master. Only through a true forsaking of my own sense of operational control, can I achieve any true freedom.
Such a paradox.
Such a great spiritual truth.
Lord may I live life in a true posture of "taqwa", as I grow in your grace.
Comments