Seeing the previously unseen

Each of us sees the Unseen in proportion to the clarity of
our heart, and that depends upon how much we have polished
it. Whoever has polished it more sees more - more
Unseen forms become manifest.

-Jalaluddin Rumi

As your meditation deepens, there will still be occasions when you get upset, but you will be able to watch what goes on in the lab of your mind. It's like getting into a glass-bottomed boat, where you venture out onto the ocean and watch all the deep-sea creatures lurking beneath the surface: resentment sharks, stingrays of greed, scurrying schools of fear. You slowly gain a certain amount of detachment from your mind, so you can observe what is going on, collect data, and then set things right. Some of the chronic problems that millions of people suffer from today might be solved by gaining a little detachment from their minds and emotions, so they can stand back a little when the mind is agitated and see the ways in which it makes mountains out of molehills. Many problems simply are not real; they start to seem real only when we dwell on them. The thorniest problems to solve are those that are not real; yet most of us go on giving them our best efforts.
-Eswaran

The thing about personal transformation work that causes me the greatest amount of frustration is this: I try to project my own need to "think and do" and find immediate solutions to issues and problems to the transformation of my false self, and frequently find myself falling short.
Through meditation, spiritual reading, prayer and community support, I sincerely desire to seek to change and become less attached, and identified, with my personality traits, my weaknesses, my foibles. The Work of Transformation -which involves the development of an observing spirit, or an impartial observer point of view in regards to one's self and one's reactions to impressions- is paramount and takes sustained effort over a long time. Eventually, as I begin to think that I am succeeding in this Work--- in doing so, I "feel" as if I have made some substantive progress. This feeling of success apparently swells up my ego, and my pride---and I begin to insidiously take pride in my accomplishment, and begin to think to myself that "I have a handle on this--I am dealing with my own issues."
Then, out of the blue--my ingrained habits, emotional triggers, prideful sense of propriety and mechanical ways of operating are once again brought into my momentary existence. Once again, I discover that the bent I have for comfort or pleasure, or my own impatience and irritability with others, my imbedded anxieties and fears are still so painfully present within myself. These emotional responses 'rear up' or become evident when some impression, event or interaction "happens" which triggers my negative emotions, and there I am again, swamped by my own anger and lack of control of my egoistic responses to others.
Months of effort to become less attached or identified are washed away in a moments outburst or loss of control.
Then, once again, I must try to make things aright, and plumb my heart to discover why I reacted so mechanically and how to find a way to avoid that way of reacting in future interactions...The cycle of repentance, asking others for forgiveness, and seeking to forgive starts all over again. This is so laborious, discouraging and wearying.
This is where I find myself--in a discouragement tinged level of being this morning after having another set of negative impressions, which brought about a setback yesterday, in multiple settings...within the church setting, in a committee gathering, and at home, in an interaction with my spouse.
These occurrences remind me that all our interactions and experiences are teachers--faculties, to use a familiar term, which give us instructions on how to deal with similar tests of our growth within interactions with others in situations in the future. Learning in this way can be quite painful...but pain and suffering is an excellent teacher.
Oh God, give me grace to grow in Christ Consciousness, and in so doing, learn and to continue to change and be transformed, and not to shrink back because of my own embedded and unsolved personality issues and emotional, mechanical responses.
This today is my prayer.