at the international level - it is really not
ideological differences that divide people. It is lack of
respect. Most disagreements do not even require dialogue;
all that is necessary is a set of flash cards. If Romeo
wants to make a point with Juliet, he may have elaborate
intellectual arguments for buttressing his case, but while
his mouth is talking away, his hand just brings out a big
card and shows it to Juliet: "I'm right."
Then Juliet flashes one of hers: "You're
wrong!" You can use the same cards for all occasions,
because that is all most quarrels amount to.
What provokes people is not so much facts or opinions, but
the arrogance of these flash cards. Kindness here means the
generous admission - not only with the tongue but with
the heart - that there is something in what you say,
just as there is something in what I say. If I can listen to
you with respect, it is usually only a short time before you
listen with respect to me. Once this attitude is
established, most differences can be made up. The problem is
no longer insoluble.~E. Easwaran
How do we learn to disagree without being so damned disagreeable?
Why is it some folks just seem to rub us the wrong way?
I don't know the answers to these questions.
I do know that we can benefit from a strong dose of collegiality.
I would so appreciate it if the members of the church of which I am a member could begin to practice being genuinely collegial, respectful and helpful to each other. We have made some progress in the past year, but much improvement could be added. What a joy that would be.
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