the beginning of self observation, or self study...

"Whosoever shall not receive the Kingdom of God as a little child, he shall in no wise enter therein"... or, in the NIV: "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:17

Truly, everything about living our lives as followers of Christ, is a function of the grace he gives us through His Spirit, to live in His Kingdom. In addition, I have found great benefit from learning the values of self study and self observation in order to become more and more transformed into His image, from a renowned British Psychiatrist, Dr. Maurice Nicoll. He is the foremost translator of "The Work" of self transformation, as espoused by Gurdjieff and Ouspensky, in the context of the tradition of Christ followership. Following is a sequence of thoughts about self observation that he gave in a talk and was subsequently transcribed, in 1944.

--to begin self observation, and self study, it is necessary to divide oneself. A man or woman must realize that he or she indeed first of all consists of two persons. So long as a man takes himself as one person, he will never move from where he is. His work on himself starts from the moment he begins to feel at first two persons within himself. One is passive and the most it can do is to register or observe what is happening to it. The other, which calls itself "I", is active, speaks of itself in the first person, and is in reality only an invented, unreal person. In the work, this invented constructed person is called A. Note: This person described as A is also described as "the false self" or "the small self".

When one understands his helplessness in the face of A, his attitude towards himself and towards A in him cease to be either indifferent or unconcerned. So, self observation becomes observation of this constructed self, of A.

A man begins to understand that he is not A, that A is nothing but the mask he wears, the part that he unconsciously plays and which unfortuantely he cannot stop playing, a part which rules him and makes him do and say a thousand stupid things, a thousand things which he would never do or say himself. If he is fully sincere with himself in this, he feels that he is in the power of A, and at the same that he is not A. He begins to be afraid of A, he begins to feel that A is his enemy.

No matter what he would like to do, everything seems to be altered and intercepted by A.

A is his enemy.

A's desires, sympathies, thoughts, and opinions are either opposed to his own views, feelings and moods, or they have nothing in common with them. At the same time, he realizes that A is his master. He is a slave to A. He has no will of his own. He has no means of expressing his desires because whatever he would like to do or say would be done for him by A.

On this level of self observation a man must understand that his whole aim of this self study is to free himself from the power of A. And since he cannot in fact free himself from A because A is all he knows of himself, he must therefore master A and make him do, not what the A of the given moment wants, but what he himself wants to do. From being the master, A, [or the constructed, false self], must become the servant. A must become passive, and one's essence(that real or unconstructed essential self--"like a little child") must become active.

The first stage of The Work on oneself consists in separating oneself from A mentally, in being separated from him in actual fact, in keeping apart from him.

But the fact must be born in mind that the whole attention must be concentrated upon A, for a man is unable to explain what he himself really is. But he can explain A to himself, and with this fact, he must begin, remembering at the same time that he is not A."

Seeing ourselves with this level of uncritical observation begins to assist us in seeing how we act, what our thoughts entail, how our personality seeks pleasure, approval, the esteem of others, strives for security, is anxious about survival, and makes takes actions to achieve power and control over circumstances or other people.

I earnestly desire to actively continue to pursue this Work, to receive the Kingdom of God, and the Lordship of Christ "as a little child", as my Essential Self within, and through self observation, continue to work towards making A, my false, constructed self, which dominates my personality, passive.

Help me, Lord, help me.