I don't "get" God.

I don't get God.

Is God an 'it', or is 'He' a 'He'? or is 'she' a 'she'? or a spirit without form, or simply wide open nothingness, or is God-- a burning bush? I don't really know. and within my own reasoning, I don't "get" God.

Jesus made it plain. He said to address God as our Father, or even Abba ---"Daddy". Jesus anthropomorphized the Source, the Creator, by ascribing to him the characteristics of love and care, like dear ol' Dad. I like it, but I have a hard time believing it...even coming from the Master of all.

Sometimes I can approach God as a father. Other times, when I am confused about why certain folks have to die (like my 32 year old niece who was the absolute sweetest girl ever made) if God is as powerful as he is said to be, then...why?...or others whom I know well ---that have terrible things happen to them.

I know, I have heard it over and over--"this world is not my home, I am justa passin' through"...and this world is the realm of satan...the prince of this world...so what do we expect?

Sometimes I think I understand his will, then something very troubling takes place, and I am in the lurch again.

Take prayer for instance. "I want to believe, Lord", and I pray, "help my unbelief" but prayer is a mystery. It is--- even when I know Jesus told us to pray and never give up...

In matters of some importance, like whether or not my son's attitude will ever change, and whether or not he will ever be motivated to work, or treat his mother with respect, it seems as if my prayers seem to ever get answered. Another time I get overwhelmed is when I consider the vastness and complexity of all around me (His creation), and the tilt of the earth's rotation, and the ways of nature, then again I am swamped... more than a little small in comparison. I realize that I cannot "do".

Like Isaiah, I am undone.

Then I am reminded of the words of Jesus...he speaks them into my heart, and they ring true once again.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He promises to walk alongside me, and when I am in yoke with him, I work with him, and he with me, but he is stronger than I am, so I can rest. I can rest from being unsure of the complexity of who God is. I can simply and quietly trust Jesus. He speaks to me like a brother, a strong, mature and wholly adequate counselor.

But God? I don't even have a good way to address him/it/her. Eternal One? Source of all Life? Almighty God? Creator, Redeemer, Sustainer?

The Muslims like to recite the 100 names of God. This helps them to "remember". "The polish of the heart is the remembrance of God", so says Muhammad(peace and blessings be upon him). Maybe I ought to try and recite the Names over and over....that is a good idea.

"I am that I am"--what kind of a name is that? The ancient Jews were so scared of him, they made it a forbidden thing to even say his name--they took out all the vowels, so you couldn't pronounce it- "ya-he-wah"...*seesh*...

I am not ashamed to say it, "I don't get God."

But then again, his ways are not my ways, and his wisdom is way, way above my conception, so I don't think I am expected to even try to get him/it/her. I find help in the study of wisdom, and I do believe that Jesus was in essence, a wisdom teacher...

oh yes, Jesus...

Jesus, now he is a whole different matter. Like Josh McDowell put it back in the seventies...you can deal with Jesus either one of three ways, either he is a liar and conjured up the biggest BS story ever conceived, or he is a lunatic and was so freakin' delusional, he thought he was the Promised Messiah, the Lord of all...or he was, in fact, telling the truth, not lying, or BS'ing, nor was he "a nut case".

I choose to take him at his word. That is: He is Lord. His wisdom and teaching about the Kingdom of God--is his syllabus on life. he is worthy of my loyalty and my intense focus. I cannot say I fully understand how it is that He is alive, living forever, but I believe that He is. So, for me it is a choice. I choose to trust in Him. I choose to take him at His Word.

But, without seeing through the eyes of Jesus--I am not able to "get" God.

But Jesus seems to have---although at one point even Jesus seems to have had His doubts--(my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?")... so, generally, it makes sense to me that I can travel in yoke with Jesus -taking him at his word, and maybe some day I will cross over to the other side--and I will no longer not be able to get God anymore. If there is any hope in getting God, I trust Jesus that I can stay yoked up to Jesus and that he will get me there.

so...I am betting the rest of my life on him.

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