Patience with my own double mindedness

Acquire a firm will and the utmost patience.

~Anandamayi Ma

As I read this quote from Easwaran's work, I was moved to apply these words to my walk as a follower of Jesus, who became the Christ. Sri Easwaran continues: "We begin our journey towards the supreme goal of life from where we stand." The supreme goal of life, for me, is to continuously become transformed into the embodiment of Christ, in mind, body, will, and spirit.

"Just as it is good to be patient with others, it is equally necessary to be patient with ourselves". I find this patience with myself to either be difficult, because of my natural desire to accomplish all my goals and objectives-now, or at other times I find myself apathetic and lazy and unwilling to exert any effort towards transformation. In effect, I am able to see that I am indeed a double minded man.

"After all, when the desire to live for others comes to us, we can be haunted by our past mistakes, by the amount of time we have wasted in selfish pursuits. But we must accept ourselves with all our strengths and weaknesses."

"There are many obstacles on the spiritual path which can strengthen us, and these cannot be overcome unless we have infinite patience with ourselves. If we are patient with others, shouldn't we be patient with ourselves as well?" This is a good question and it begs the answer--in the form of another question--"am I indeed patient with others?"

Each of us is individual, with our own special qualities. Easwaran instructs: "We start now, where we are, with our partial love for money, partial love for pleasure, partial love for prestige, and a little love for God. We will progress at our own pace. It is not good to compare one person's progress with another's."

I find that my struggles are centered around the realization that I am indeed 'double minded'. I know I am to love God with all my heart soul and mind, but I partially love money and its comforts. I am sometimes driven by my desire for pleasures...and this overrides my commitment to Christ at times. I love and appreciate the approval and esteem of others...and this overrides my total vow of loyalty to seek only God's approval, and His favor.

I pray that The Lord Christ Himself will give me the strength not to come down too harshly on my own weaknesses and failures, and at the same time enable me to quit clutching the things of this world, and simply "drop" my double mindedness and seek the singleness of purpose that comes from being fully "in yoke" with Him.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You can do it! Yes you can.

Image
I claim to be an average man of less than average ability.I have not the shadow of a doubt that any man or woman can achieve what I have if he or she would make the same effort and cultivate the same hope and faith. -Mahatma Gandhi So, are you willing to give it your best? In this transformation of the small i's to the Real I, the essence, are you willing? to do the Work? Resolve to awaken to the inner motivations of the small self within. Observe yourself. Put some separation between you and your small self/ego. Observe your own behavior, thoughts, actions, motivations. Let the Spirit filter the way you respond to stresses from outside. For the Word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two edged sword, and is able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart-----------your heart! Who is The Living Word? The logos? You know.
Read more

Baylor has need of Christ’s wisdom

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You can not serve both God and Mammon.” We ( Baylor - as a university community which says its follows Christ) have blindly served mammon, with the other schools in Texas…and look where it has taken us. Now money is driving the conference groupings even more than before- in 1995. Where will this lead? Texas—that is the University of Texas at Austin, is the driving force of the ‘we deserve more money’ movement. Fair enough, that is as it probably should be. UT is a dominant force in NCAA athletics. It is a secular school. It has absolutely no ties to the Gospel, other than the Gospel’s influence on our culture. Although far less in influence, the same goes for our militaristic land grant school, and our state’s other outpost, which defies description. But Baylor—why do we follow them? We say we are of Christ . I question that. Especially ...
Read more

Handling God's blessings with care

It is permissible to take life's blessings with both hands provided thou dost know thyself prepared in the opposite event to take them just as gladly. This applies to food and friends and kindred, to anything God gives and takes away. -Meister Eckhart In order to live in freedom, we must learn to accept a temporary disappointment, if necessary, when it is for our permanent well-being. Sometimes, when we want to eat something that appeals to us, or when we want to eat a little more than is necessary, we can't help feeling disappointment as we push away from the table. We cannot help thinking that we could as well have stayed on for five more minutes of pleasure, forgetting that it would probably be followed by five hours of stomachache at night. The right time to get up from the meal is when we want just a little more. This is real artistry, real gourmet judgment: when we find that everything is so good that we would like to have one more helping, we get up and walk away. ~Easwa...
Read more