A lesson in sensitivity in “the Master’s seminary of transformation”
Just as a flower gives out its fragrance to whomsoever approaches or uses it, so love from within us radiates towards everybody and manifests as spontaneous service. ~Swami Ramdas
Prior to redemption, and in the practice of working out my salvation, I have found it difficult to be compassionate towards others for the simple reason that selfishly most of my energy for sensitivity is directed towards myself.
So, at the instruction and assignment of the Master, I have been working on an experiment: Perhaps the less I dwell on myself, the more my sensitivity will open out to the needs and feelings of others.
Every time then when I hurt someone and then grieve inside because of it, I am again enrolling in and attending a valuable course in Jesus’ seminary- on sensitivity.
It is a course that informs and teaches at the deepest and most personal level, the experiential, and it is infinitely more effective than anything I can attend for graduate school credit. The Lord knows that this is a lesson that I need to practice over and over, because it does not come naturally to me. As I practice the lesson, the course credit comes directly, when I allow the Source of all Wisdom and Knowledge to enable me to change my heart, and mind and my physical behavior and to realize that I do not want to knowingly hurt or allow others to be hurt or fearful, especially when I can “do something about it”.
"Everybody's feelings can be hurt," I must repeatedly realize, "just like my own. I have to take others' feelings into consideration in what I do."
My friend and church sister, Wendi, last year asked me to help with three year old choir at church…because Wendi is direct and does not beat around the bush, and generally will not take “no” for an answer, I said yes, not knowing what I was getting into, and not having had any experience with direct three year old children’s choir, ever in my life. I named this group ‘Pixy Choir’ because these children are precious little humans, and their general character is mostly unsullied by the world and as pure as driven snow. They are our little pixies, and are by the way, generally enchanting little creatures.
This year, we have a large, very active and enthusiastic group of Pixies …when they all show up there are 13-15 children participating. ( Along with four workers, most of them are moms of the kids, and an occasional dad…I am the oldest worker by15-20 years). This group includes little ones who are children of participants in our ESL program that meets on Wednesday nights. One little guy, “Joel”( pronounced “Jo-Ell”—in Spanish) did not want to be there, and in fact he was violently and angrily opposed to it. (I think he is a bit younger than the group—perhaps he has not made it to 3 yet. His mom was intent on getting to her ESL class, so she dropped him off.)
He immediately crawled under a table and persisted in screaming his head off, and kicked at everyone who tried to reach in and console him. He had worked himself up into a “baby rage”, and could not get himself controlled. The fear and violent rage had taken him over. He was extremely fearful of all this newness, all these new adults and kids, and wanted none of it. He only wanted one thing---to get back to the comfort and security of his mother’s arms. He was angry, he was out of control with fear and anger. He was determined not to be consoled…and was yelling and crying at the top of his lungs!
After several workers had attempted to get him under control, and he had kicked them and tried to hit or scratch them, and after I had made the quip—”aw, let’s just let him cry it out!”--- it occurred to me that I had to “take one for the team”, and personally deal with this little dude. He was being so loud that he was disrupting the choir.
It also occurred to me that I am an “old Grand Dad aged” guy, and I am much more experienced and ( only by the grace of God) more able—at that moment- to patiently work with this kid than anyone else, most of all the other workers who are parents of three year olds who are there in the choir, and have to do it all the time…with their own kids. This was another lesson in my Jesus seminary course on sensitivity. The Master was personally delivering another opportunity for practice!
So, I crawled up under the table, and despite of his kicks and intensely escalating screams, pulled him out from under the table and took him in my arms. With his little squirming body firmly in my grasp, carried the writhing little guy, I left the choir room, began walking around in the hallway and stairwell, and began singing to him a song my wife and I used to sing to my 20 year old son and 28 year daughter when they were little, and nestled him close to my chest. I sang softly to Joel—
“It’s a happy day, and I thank God for the weather, It’s a happy day, and I’m living it for my Lord. It’s a happy day, and things are gonna get better, living each day by the promises in God’s word”—I sang this, over and over and over…gently and firmly holding and rocking him…
He tried to keep crying and struggling, but soon he realized it was no use. He came to the realization that “This old man is indeed stronger and more patient with me than I am myself…”
He took several deep breaths and after about two minutes was able to quiet down and relax, as I held him and sang softly this little song. he got really still and quiet. I thought he was asleep.
The Pixy Choir was able to do their wonderful movements and singing, rhythm band instrument playing, and Joel got to settle down and later after Choir was over, was able to get down and play quietly with some of the toys that are left out for the 3 year olds to play with.
The physical experience, the act of submitting my own personal agenda of taking care of myself first, and extending some strong and comforting fatherly love to this little Hispanic boy was a good practice for me in my course in Christ’s seminary.
This one was a lesson in sensitivity and submission to Jesus’ syllabus. “Let the little children come unto me”, and “learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart”these are things he has been teaching.
Thanks be to the Master for the opportunity to be instructed in this way. I realized this morning, as I was seeking to be centered and sensitive to Christ’s Holy Spirit within, that when I have been overcome by my own anxiety and fear, he has taken me in His Arms and quieted me, just like I did for little Joel last night, more times than I can count.
Thanks be to God for this lesson, this practice of the presence of Christ.
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