Loving, over “being right”

Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

-I Corinthians

My Fair Lady

In the movie,  My Fair Lady, Rex Harrison sings in exasperation: "Why can't a woman be more like a man? . . . Why can't a woman be like me?"

It shouldn’t be surprising that this was a very popular song in a popular movie back in the fifties and sixties. In every emotional relationship, even if we don't put it into words, each of us has a rigid set of expectations which requires the other person to act and think in a particular way. Interestingly enough, the way we expect them to act is not that person's way; it is our own.

When he or she acts differently, we get surprised and feel irritated or disappointed. If we could see behind the scenes, in the mind, this sort of encounter would make a good comedy. Here I am, relating not to you but to my idea of you, and I get irritated because you insist on acting your own way instead!

This sort of thing developed into a feedback loop in our marriage. Leslie is being Leslie, and I seem to expect her to be something else.

Maybe I want her to act  “like Sam expects her to act”…

What generally happens is really no more than stimulus and response. If you behave the way I expect, I'll be kind. If you behave otherwise, I'll act otherwise too: rude, or irritated, or disappointed, or depressed, depending on my personality, but always something in reaction to you. It means, simply, when these syndromes occur and they do regularly- that none of us has much freedom; our behavior is dependent on what other people say and do. Easwaran says that “To live without self-centered expectations is the secret of freedom in personal relationships”.

When we focus primarily on our rights, we tend not to be loving, or positive.

Gurdjieff put it another way—“I have a right—not to be negative”.

It is short list—things I know to be true in all instances, no matter who is involved, where I am, or what is being said…but this is one of those things:

It is more important to be loving, than to be right.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You can do it! Yes you can.

Image
I claim to be an average man of less than average ability.I have not the shadow of a doubt that any man or woman can achieve what I have if he or she would make the same effort and cultivate the same hope and faith. -Mahatma Gandhi So, are you willing to give it your best? In this transformation of the small i's to the Real I, the essence, are you willing? to do the Work? Resolve to awaken to the inner motivations of the small self within. Observe yourself. Put some separation between you and your small self/ego. Observe your own behavior, thoughts, actions, motivations. Let the Spirit filter the way you respond to stresses from outside. For the Word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two edged sword, and is able to discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart-----------your heart! Who is The Living Word? The logos? You know.
Read more

Baylor has need of Christ’s wisdom

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You can not serve both God and Mammon.” We ( Baylor - as a university community which says its follows Christ) have blindly served mammon, with the other schools in Texas…and look where it has taken us. Now money is driving the conference groupings even more than before- in 1995. Where will this lead? Texas—that is the University of Texas at Austin, is the driving force of the ‘we deserve more money’ movement. Fair enough, that is as it probably should be. UT is a dominant force in NCAA athletics. It is a secular school. It has absolutely no ties to the Gospel, other than the Gospel’s influence on our culture. Although far less in influence, the same goes for our militaristic land grant school, and our state’s other outpost, which defies description. But Baylor—why do we follow them? We say we are of Christ . I question that. Especially ...
Read more

Handling God's blessings with care

It is permissible to take life's blessings with both hands provided thou dost know thyself prepared in the opposite event to take them just as gladly. This applies to food and friends and kindred, to anything God gives and takes away. -Meister Eckhart In order to live in freedom, we must learn to accept a temporary disappointment, if necessary, when it is for our permanent well-being. Sometimes, when we want to eat something that appeals to us, or when we want to eat a little more than is necessary, we can't help feeling disappointment as we push away from the table. We cannot help thinking that we could as well have stayed on for five more minutes of pleasure, forgetting that it would probably be followed by five hours of stomachache at night. The right time to get up from the meal is when we want just a little more. This is real artistry, real gourmet judgment: when we find that everything is so good that we would like to have one more helping, we get up and walk away. ~Easwa...
Read more