Sticks and stones?

Do not let your peace depend on the hearts of others; whatever they say about you, good or bad, you are not because of it another, for as you are, you are.   – Thomas a Kempis

From Sri Easwaran:

"Even if you have ninety-nine people cheering you, there will always be a hundredth to boo. That is the nature of life, and to deal with it, we need simply to learn not to be always on the lookout for appreciation and applause. If people say, “Oh, there is nobody like you,” don’t get elated. Don’t pick up your telephone and call your friends to tell them what is being broadcast about you. That’s what most of us do, you know; that’s why telephones are so busy. It is also why so many people get dejected when fortune seems to frown.

My spiritual teacher – a simple, straightforward woman who didn’t mince words – used to tell me, “You can’t shut other people’s mouths.” It took me years to understand that. This unlettered lady knew that we don’t have any control over other people’s minds. You can control only your own mind. When you understand this, you know you needn’t be concerned about what people say about you: it doesn’t affect you, because your mind cannot be upset. You may feel hurt, but you will have an inner security that cannot be shaken."

Last week, word got back to me that an administrator at a target online company with serious data security needs- that we had determined needed our specialized IT services based on our data security expertise, had responded to one of our allies. 

The IT administrator in a sales meeting told them that they would not be comfortable dealing with any company which which  I was involved .

My reputation was causing our company's profit posture and sales opportunity to be diminished. 

This revealed that there are disparaging thoughts about my character..."out there" in the community...whew. Zing. Ouch.

I know that those postures are based on rumor and innuendo, but still they sting, and wound.

Thomas Keating's disciple, Mary Mzorowski, laid down a tenet which this situation brings to mind.

We are all motivated by desires and expectations that are directed and formulated by our ego or false self:

1. The desire for Security and Survival;
2. The desire for Power and Control;
3. The desire for Esteem and Affection from others;

When any of these is preeminent--we open ourselves to fear and anxiety. 

Fear that others will not esteem us.
Anxiety over being able to pay our bills. Fear that others will discover the worst about us.
You know the drill.
We 'go there', and our false selves take over and paint "worse case scenarios" and we build synapses in our mind that lead to downfall and ruin.


Then Easwaran's words hit the inbox: "When you understand this, you know you needn’t be concerned about what people say about you: it doesn’t affect you, because your mind cannot be upset. You may feel hurt, but you will have an inner security that cannot be shaken."


I am not glossing over my own past. I stayed in our hometown to grow courageous enough to face these things, and to overcome the fears and anxieties that have emerged and will emerge in the future.
I am an Enneagram 3, so my responses to feelings based issues is to "think, and do"...so, I want to "do" something about the situation, go to those people, and anyone else who may hold me in contempt, and share all the truth with them, hopefully, to make amends. I want to express where I am now.
"My heart is different. My choices have been different.
I am "in yoke" with Christ.
Things about me are different now, 12 years later, since my unfortunate trouble."


They really don't care about all that, really, they don't.


However, by the grace of God, I may be given that opportunity, but I can only trust in the One who brings all things into Unity, to resolve this unpleasant circumstance.
My business partners know my story and are standing with me. They know that if what caused me to leave banking had not happened, I would not be working with them now.


So, if the Spirit leaves this matter unresolved, then I can trust in Christ, who spoke the parable of the wheat and tares. " an enemy has done this"...and leave it to the final harvest to be settled.


It still stings when I consider it.